Some churches very occasionally teach about singleness, and they sometimes teach about marriage, but they almost never teach the practicalities about how to get from ‘A’ to ‘B’ in a godly way via dating and relationships.
We need to create a healthy dating culture in the church if we’re going to help make Christian marriage possible, and the resources below show practical steps that churches and individuals can take to help do this.
NB. Terminology in the UK is a bit different to the US! Usually for UK Christian adults:
- ‘Dating’ = getting to know each other with a view to seeing if you want to be in a ‘going out’ relationship (exclusive, romantic)
- ‘Going out/relationship’ = getting to know each other with a view to seeing if you want to get married
7 Reasons Your Church Needs More Men: How to lead a gender balanced church supporting healthy singleness, dating, marriage and youth (The Engage Network, 2018)
See Chapter 8 ‘Dating and relationships: what would it look like if things were working well in the church?’
With lots of practical tips for individuals and couples to flourish in their situation, and for local churches.
How to Get a Date Worth Keeping (Dr Henry Cloud, 2005)
Comprehensive and in-depth book addressing emotional, spiritual and practical issues in dating. Essential reading.
See also helpful topical and Q&A video advice from Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend (American Christian Psychologists) at https://www.cloudtownsend.com/video-advice/channel/Dating/
Dare to Date
Aukelien van Abbema, 2017, UK
Drawing on her personal Christian dating experience, and work as a Couples Psychologist and dating course leader, Aukelien’s book is “invaluable advice on how to date well” (from the Introduction by Nicky and Sila Lee). Full of really helpful insights, stories and strategies that will improve your dating life.
Short introduction and interview with Aukelien van Abbema (PDF 245kb)
Boundaries in Dating
Essential reading – practical but comprehensive advice for Christian couples who are in a ‘going out’ (UK) or ‘dating’ (US) relationship
(Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, 2000) Small Group Study DVD and workbook also available.
The Dating Dilemma
Rachel Gardner and Andre Adefope, 2013
Summary Article about ‘The Dating Dilemma’ by Andre Adefope (PDF 265kb)
More helpful articles, bible studies, podcasts, blogs and stories at: www.relationshipdilemma.com
Speakers and courses available: Relationship Dilemma Course (PDF 360kb)
Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating life and love in the modern age
Ben Stuart, 2017
Amazing Love – 8 DVDs by Dr Henry Cloud: Ideal for church/group teaching and discussion sessions.
Eight 60-minute sessions. A cohesive series, but sessions can also be downloaded as audio or video files individually. Available from the ‘Store’ at www.cloudtownsend.com
“When love works well, it is an amazing experience, everything else pales in comparison. It enriches our lives and gives us a sense of fulfillment and joy. Join us as we journey deep into the inner workings of love. This series will teach you practical skills that you won’t learn anywhere else. It will enable you to improve your odds of getting and keeping the love you want.”
1. What love looks like; 2. Extreme dating makeover; 3. Dating made easy (men only); 4. The ties that bind; 5. Lovedoctor.com; 6. Sex night for singles?; 7. Love’s slippery slope; 8. Why love breaks down
God will Make a Way
Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, 2005
Particularly chapters 9-11 on Dating and New Romance, Marriage and Relationships, Intimacy and Sex.
Sex before marriage?
Many people find themselves confused by sex and sexuality. Some are trapped in sexual patterns that may damage their self-esteem or even ruin their ability to form a lasting relationship. In this booklet Nicky Gumbel combines a biblical approach to the subject with realism and honesty.
New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating
Andy Stanley, 2015
US pastor and bestselling author Andy Stanley provides practical, biblical, uncensored advice to anyone who is dating or thinking about marriage.
Hold Me Tight
Dr Sue Johnson, 2008
This book shares advice and practical exercises on how couples can develop and nurture increasingly healthy relationships by establising secure emotional attachments
Pure
Linda Marshall, 2010
Originally written with students in mind, but relevant for others too.
‘Would like to meet’: The real-life diary of a 30-something Christian woman looking for love
HopefulGirl, 2013
Perceptive, funny, true-to-life and a great read about dating for both men and women.
Notes on Love: Being single and dating in a marriage-obsessed church
Lauren Windle, 2021
Shining a light on the trials, tribulations – and sometimes triumphs – of being single and dating in the Church.
Relatable: Exploring God, love & connection in the age of choice
Vicky Walker, 2019
Explores the complex background to the issues in today’s church around dating and relationships, with humour and real-life experiences.
Christian Dating Websites, Apps and Introduction Agencies
‘Choosing a dating website’ (PDF 190kb) – by Jackie Elton, Founder/Director, Christian Connection
‘How to make the best of internet dating’ (PDF 360kb) – by Jackie Elton, Founder/Director, Christian Connection
Online Dating: top tips for success
by Dr David Pullinger (Researcher, Author and Co-Founder of www.singlefriendlychurch.com), 2014
Top tips that are easy to remember, fun and easy to read, based on research, tried and tested.
Recommended by both Christian dating websites and the UK Online Dating Association.
SALT Christian Dating App
Run by Christians, for Christians. “SALT is here to help Christian dating be a little less awkward and a lot more fun…” Lots of helpful resources and events around Christian dating.
Christian Connection
“The UK’s leading online dating site for single Christians.” Dating, events, meetups, message boards, blogs, success stories, advice, polls and more.
Other Resources
The myth of “The One” (PDF 200kb) – Article by Dr David Pullinger exploring the concept of meeting ‘the One’ person who is right for us.
Supporting Christians who are in ‘mixed relationships’ (where one partner is a Christian and the other is not – usually Christian women)
Events and Holidays
Events for Christians: www.eventsforchristians.co.uk
Oak Hall Holidays: www.oakhall.co.uk
Richmond Holidays: www.richmond-holidays.com
Goldhill Holidays: www.goldhillholidays.co.uk
